Testimonies

Hello, my name is Jeff Sutter.  Shortly after the 9-11 incident, I made the decision to rededicate my life to Jesus.  I was DESPERATE to impress the Lord and boldly tell everyone at my job about the change in me.  Immediately, I went from an angry arrogant man to a loving man who wanted to bring everyone to Jesus.  Unfortunately during this time something terrible happened.  I started hallucinating, hearing voices, feeling things touching me that weren’t there.  I became extremely paranoid believing there were vampires and warlocks at work that could read my mind because they thought that a Christian like me would uncover their secret plot of selling cocaine on their delivery trucks.  It was a horrible delusion.  During this time, I would read the Bible at work and things got a little better.  I quit smoking and pornography.  But I let the alcohol come back into my life convincing myself that God didn’t mind it and that it was something I needed because of the stress at work.  I was working third shift about 60 hours a week and I just got married, had a step daughter and a son to provide for.  A lot of changes.  Things were starting to go downhill with me mentally.  My illness made me barely take my job seriously and it caused me to loose my concentration so I was making a ton of errors at work and was in danger of losing my job.  This is where I really started making mistakes with God.  I got angry at Him because of all the oppression and mental problems I had.  I would curse Him all day long every day.  I finally got a new job, less hours, in the day shift, an office job with no physical demanding labor.  I was hoping finally I could work a better job and enjoy my family and life better.  But the illness and torment was still there.  And my cursing God didn’t stop but got worse.  I was making mistakes at work and my boss finally brought me into her office and told me she was going to take me to the hospital to be admitted to the psyche ward.  I was in there the whole summer, while doctor were trying every medication and treatment on me.  I was diagnosed with severe schizophrenia.  After a long process, going from safe house to safe house, hospital to hospital I finally became semi stable to come back home.  I went into SEVERE guilt about the anger and cursing I did to the Lord.  Soon, my marriage fell apart.  I went through a divorce, and soon my x wife and kids moved across the US.  I had my own apartment.  Things went way downhill for me there.  I was TRAPPED into thinking I did a sin that God would never forgive.  I thought all that cursing and blasphemy put me beyond forgiveness.  I had to keep going back to the hospital psyche ward almost every month for weeks at a time.  We’re talking about 15 admissions to the psyche ward in my life, or more!  While I was in there, the nurses would help me so much, telling me that God forgives me.  There were even Christian nurses who would patiently counsel me.  I was DEDICATED to reading the Bible.  I NEEDED to know the character of God in spite of all my confusion and torment.  This all threw me into a DARK DEEP depression where I was using alcohol to self-medicate the pain and torment.  I was still going to church where the pastor and every believer there would reach out to me and encouraging me.  NO ONE was beating me up for drinking.  They just wanted to see me get better.  Well I met a woman named Maureen at church and we became great friends, then we started dating, then we got married!!!  Slowly, Jesus was picking up my broken pieces in my life.  Blessing after blessing!!  It was still a really really rocky road for me mentally, but my wife Maureen would help me through many moments of crying in bed, so many moments of telling her God hates me.  But I stayed faithful to following Jesus, even if I felt like He didn’t love me.  Here’s the awesome part, it’s been over 7 years since I’ve been to the psyche ward.  I’m on the least medication I ever been on!  The Lord helped me quit drinking and started to teach me how to be THANKFUL for life, how His JOY is better then any drug and drink.  And how much He loves me and understands all the pain I went through and how the blood of His Son Jesus covers ALL my sin!!!  Now everyday I aim to walk in the Spirit and say no to the temptations of gratifying the flesh!  I can say right now, every day God helps me fight the devil and push through the mental illness and torment.  God is my best friend!  It feels so GREAT to be sober and living for Jesus the way I should be!  Jesus is the CURE for mental illness!!  Medication is a blessing as well because it helps one cope with it.  I’m so blessed in every direction, and I’m growing spiritual every day!  I’m blessed to be a part of Olivet.  We’ve been recording all these songs and I actually have so much joy doing it!  God’s JOY is so precious!  No matter where you are, Jesus will meet you where you are at and guide you into His loving arms and grace and change things in you that you NEVER thought could change!  If you’re suffering with a mental illness, please email us on the above link and I would love to share more of my testimony and pray and encourage you!  God IS LOVE!!! Jesus SAVES!